Eboni Lacey

His Cheating Heart

His Cheating Heart…..

Eboni lacey 2015I remember having a conversation with a coworker who was extremely unhappy in her marriage (and weirdly decided that she would share her grievances with me, Counselor Eboni.) Her husband was having a full blown affair and even had a child with another woman. I was shocked not only by her husband’s actions, but by how calm she was in exposing all the filth in her marriage. She literally had no emotion.

Then she hit me with the “We aren’t getting divorced because of our kids” line. At first I felt sorry for her. But then after really thinking about it, I just thought she was kind of pathetic.

The thing that kills me about women who give this tired “it’s because of the kids” line is that they are not only living in denial, but they turn into some of the most miserable creatures walking the face of the Earth.

Is it really about the kids, or is it the fact that you aren’t strong enough to deal with the reality that the man you once loved and made children with does not want to be committed to you anymore?

I get it! You don’t want your children to go through the possible pain of a separated marriage or seeing one parent less than the other one. But insteadThe Identity of SHE you are exposing your children, the precious human beings you made, to a dysfunctional family – a father who cares more about his own pleasure than keeping his vows and a mother that won’t stand up for herself.

The issue goes beyond the belief that the children are too young or too emotional to go through the process of a family separation. The issue is the comfort. The mother is just too scared and too comfortable to change her lifestyle. She can’t let the idea of a happy family go, no matter how unhappy she is everyday.

It then becomes a serious mental issue. The mother adjusts to the cheating, the lying and the deceit and convinces herself to stick it out, thinking that it’s best for the family. However, the minute the father steps out and cheats, he ruined the entire family’s chance of normalcy.

There is nothing a woman can do about a man who has betrayed her and his children. There is no going back and nothing can fix it. Now maybe if he’s cheated once and the two of you are married, you could possibly see a marriage counselor and resolve the issues.

The Identity of SHEBut, if he’s having multiple relations or an ongoing affair, then he already has decided to choose himself over family. What kind of man is so sick and inconsiderate that he rather lay in bed with another woman than be a father to his children? He rather make himself happy, no matter if it jeopardizes the relationship he has with his kids.

The answer to this problem is distance and time. You need distance from him and time to really think of how you can be the best mother you can be without being in a relationship with the father. He needs distance to understand the consequences of stepping out on family and time to determine whether he wants to co-parent or let his own desires go so that he can be a family man.

Your children deserve honesty and not deceit. They deserve two parents that are happy and not living a lie. Though it would be inappropriate to tell your children that their father has been running the streets, sticking his manhood in every hole that fits, you should tell your children that you are separating because it’s the best thing for the family.

Women need to stop taking cheating so lightly! News Flash: All men don’t cheat. Cheaters cheat, liars cheat, selfish people cheat. But real husbands and fathers bend over backwards to make their families work. They understand that having another woman is not worth jeopardizing their relationship with their kids.

If a man has abolished the action of love with his woman, how could she possibly unconditionally love their kids? How will she even know what love is if the man that she made children with doesn’t love her enough to stay committed to her? How could she even believe in love or know how to show love? And to think all of this was ruined by selfishness and lust.

Women, find the strength to get out of your crappy situation with a man that doesn’t love you. Then, find the best possible way to explain to your kids that you and their father will be co-parenting. It will be extremely hard and heartbreaking, but it will make things right.

However, please keep in mind that this blog only includes separating because of infidelity. If you and your man are just not seeing eye to eye, first make sure that you have tried everything to stay together before pulling the plug on your relationship. Certainly, if no cheating is happening, there is a lot of love still there.